Your salary’s still the same from five years ago, yet the prices have gone up, like Jesus is coming down and judging us all for our worldly sins. Your 50 pesos can’t even barely fill a liter of gas. A non-war “war” that we’re all suffering from. Even vape devices are being threatened to be banned—and you’re worried whether you’ll relapse back to cigarettes or go straight to shooting up meth. It is truly a ‘tangina’ moment for many of us right now.
Yet, in the sea of this seemingly never-ending skullfuckery, one thing came to mind: how in the blue hell will you replace your cranky old smartphone from 2018 that’s begging you to end its suffering? No, not yet. You ain’t done with his service. You’re just a lowly wage earner. But no, your Redmi Note 5 is not just barely functioning; it literally has an aneurysm that’ll burst at any moment.
Image: @bigotilyo_brothers22 from TikTok
You reached for your pocket: after shaking off a bunch of dried Cheetos, some lint, and a coupon for a clinic that will pay you cash in exchange for your semen, it finally clicked—your stash. You’ve been saving some change for at least half-a-decade now, and it’s time. That big, crusty jar that you’ve stolen from your job is now filled to the brim with ones, fives, tens, and twenties. There’s also some stray paper money there, marinating with all the gunk and bacteria, all that cash and coins accumulated over the years.
You sat down, opened the lid, and started counting it all. After a couple of hours and a nap, you finally did it. A total of 5,095 pesos. You’re also surprised that you didn’t touch it at all, despite many moments of poverty or just plain poor financial management that left you munching on packets of Dip Sea or Lala fish crackers with rice for dinner.
After going to the bank, the big bag of denominations and half-rotten bills is condensed into five one-thousand-peso bills and some new coins. Now what? Yes, the phone. You have five thousand pesos. What are your choices? Thankfully, you’re already reading this. All prices are from Shopee, and links are clickable within each smartphone’s name.
#5. OPPO A5x (Php4,999)
Image: OPPO
You can’t afford the latest A6x one because it’s priced around Php7,000 to Php8,000 pesos. Luckily, the OPPO A5x is still available on online stores such as Shopee. Priced at exactly Php4,999 (after vouchers) for the lower-tier 4+64GB, it’s decently good when it comes to looks and specs. Powered by the Snapdragon 6s Gen 1 4G, it’s no gaming processor, but it will get you through the day in playing your favorite stuff like Mobile Legends, Call of Duty: Mobile, League of Legends: Wild Rift, and Summertime Saga, you pervert.
You’ll have a 6.67-inch, 720p IPS LCD with a 120Hz refresh rate, a single 32-megapixel rear camera, and a serviceable 5-megapixel selfie camera. On top of that, you’ll get a big 6,000mAh battery with a speedy 45 watts charging speed. Pick whatever color you want from Tranquil Lake Green and Laser White. If you think you’ll get a headache using this, you’re mistaken. Its UFS 2.2 storage is rare beyond this price point, and its IP65 and MIL-STD-810H certification is more than enough assurance that this won’t die on you easily during rainy days, hard drops, or dust storms (from chismosas sweeping their yards at 6 am).
How much smartphone will you get: A lot in some aspects, you’ll get what you paid for.
#4. itel Power 70 (Php4,799)
Image: itel
What does the ‘Power’ moniker remind you of? No, it isn’t power as in a gaming beast, you cheeky bastard. Remember, you only have Php5,000 to spare. It’s for its humongous battery. This is an entry-level device with a jacked 6,000mAh capacity that, combined with the included 4,000mAh charging case, makes it a total of 10,000mAh of uninterrupted usage. Now that’s a lot of juice even for us.
Well, what are the caveats? There’s plenty. One, it has a MediaTek Helio G50 processor that’s rebranded several times from the Helio G3x family of chipsets. Second, while it has a 6.67-inch, 120Hz IPS LCD, the 120Hz only kicks mostly in the menu, since the poor old processor can barely hold the Android OS, even in Go Edition. Lastly, you can’t game on it. Even simple social media scrolling will give you stutters aplenty, leaving you in Dante’s Inferno before it loads the entire content well. It’s perfect if you’re a rider from Angkas, Lalamove, Joyride, Grab, or whatever— this can last you a full day without charging.
How much smartphone will you get: A lot in terms of battery, a crumb when it comes to everything else.
#3. Samsung Galaxy A07 LTE (Php4,799)
Image: Samsung
Samsung’s bottom-of-the-barrel offering has gotten a lot better through the years. Before, it was the most frustrating phone to use. Now, it’s still frustrating, but not as frequent as it used to be. Bogged down by its heavy OneUI skin, you’ll get the benefit of six major Android updates from Android 15 all the way to Android 21—if your A07 is still barely breathing. Another reminder: this isn’t the 5G variant, this is the cheaper 4G-only one.
The same affair is all here: a 6.7-inch 90Hz PLS LCD screen (what the hell is even that), also the first phone in this list to have a teardrop notch, a fast UFS 2.2, which we doubt can handle the convoluted OneUI operating system, a 50-megapixel rear shooter, and an 8-megapixel front snapper. It’s still 5,000mAh with 25 watts of charging speed. Although it now sports a Helio G99 processor, which can handle tasks and some light to medium gaming better, we knew someone who has a Galaxy A16 4G, and every day, if he doesn’t discover a new bug in it, the phone will randomly act funny and crash whenever it likes.
How much smartphone will you get: If you like Samsung, this will satisfy some thirst; if not, you’re in for a hellish good (?) time.
#2. HMD Aura² (Php4,790)
Image: HMD Global
We love a good underdog story here, Nokia fallen from grace, got acquired by Bill “Herpes” Gates (as per his email to Epstein), fallen from grace again; now licensed to HMD Global, clearly isn’t working well in their favor, demoted the Nokia branding to flippy e-wastes, now makes smartphones under the HMD branding—is shit and miss but mostly shit and misses.
When we first heard of the HMD Aura² (fancy naming, nerds), we were overjoyed. 256GB of spanking internal storage at this price point? Even Flossy Carter will say this is a major, major, MAJOR…GO. You can even repair it yourself, and the parts are readily available from HMD themselves. What a nice thing to have, you’ll think of all the years you’ll spend with this lovely dev—UNISOC SC9863A. 576P IPS LCD DISPLAY. 10 WATTS OF CHARGING. THE BIGGEST NOTCH AND CHIN WE’VE EVER SEEN IN A PHONE IN A LONG TIME.
How much smartphone will you ge—FUCK OFF.
#1. Tecno Spark Go 3 (Php4,699)
Image: TECNO
The Tecno Spark Go 2 is a good enough phone for the budget category. Despite its price, it offers a great deal of features and a modern design—this is a phone that you will proudly use without shame out of stigma from douchebags who own more expensive devices that judge you secretly behind your back. Now, the Tecno Spark Go 3…it’s still a good phone, but because of the wars and things and overall enshittification of the world, we are treated to a downgrade of historical proportions.
The same specs from the Spark Go 2 are here to stay, bar for bar, word for word. Unisoc T7250 processor, same 5,000mAh battery, IP64 rating, same design language. But what in the ever-loving god are these nerfed features? First, a slightly bigger screen, but the punch hole is long gone. It’s now a notch. Now you’ll feel like you belong to a lower caste again. Then, there’s no 256GB variant anymore compared to the Spark Go 2. You’ll be stuck with the pathetic 64GB storage or a slightly miserable 128GB option. Third, the dual speakers are dead. Back to the loudspeaker we go on the Go 3. Lastly, it’s a thousand pesos more expensive than last year’s model.
How much smartphone will you get: Just buy the Spark Go 2.
Conclusion
Now, did you feel that this article helped you in any way? Have you made up your mind on what to purchase for your scumbag activities? Moral of the story: buy a second-hand midranger from 2-3 years ago or a flagship device from 3-5 years ago.
Keep in mind that prices are subject to change and may be updated during the time this article was released.
